Hi guys I was diagnosed ocd 13 years ago.Now Most of the things of ocd like washing hands subsided and I dont care of those.I also mediatete sometimes,sometimes wait for next thought that cause oneness and feel the awareness.I know where it all started and whats the issue actually.Thinking deliberately is the issue actually. If I am simply like focus in mind space and wait for next thought and feel one ,then there feels no fear anything. For last year I am trying to get above the ocd.My whole problem now lies for taking action.I have developed such things that my mind always want to get to something,some action to correct me and problem revolves around this.This may also become complex. I also think the whole problem is because I don't have some proper guidance or live guidance or someone who can answer me so that I can resolve immediately and follow. when I read sens blog I want to just leave the brain resistance and allow it to whatever it thinks which seems the basic problem.I dont know if I was also trying same thing before reading sens blog also or I got bored of resistance and I came to know this.The whole point is this I simply want to leave the resistance in my brain and actually have no problem as I am aware that resistance is occupying my mind. I have no desired of spiritual enlightenent.I have no commitment of following a particular thing till end.I just want to allow my mind as I am sick of holding it ,fearing,taking meanings etc. But the problem is this .Thought process going in like this. OK.leave the resistance and allow everything in mind. But I got all these after reading sen so I need to follow sen and sen said that first watch thoughts feelings,being observant etc ,then only I can allow.Also in one example he told one needs to understand fear before going to the stage of allowing. Also I have this feeling as I don't want to follow everything sen said as such or there is nothing like a aim in my mind as moving to ahead or anything but I just want to let go of resistance but then again I can have same thinking loop. Now I can't let go of resistance because can't let go of this question as then I will allow everything in my mind and if yes then I am not following things properly The point is we need to allow first to be even observant..But he says first be observant and then stay as open space.This is quite circular. letting go ,allowing ,watching thoughts are again confusing.It seems same to me allowing is automatically let go,before watching one needs to allow.confused about things. I am also not fearing what brain will through because I know that's something because of resistance and absense of awareness as I observed. All above may not have made things clear.So the thing that actually will clear you about my confusion is this. Reffering to the article. http://www.calmdownmind.com/reaching-a-place-of-total-allowing/ But here the "Dont protect your being" explains things.It says "The first step to being free of a negativity is to stop fearing its presence.The only way you can do this is by consciously allowing it to arise in you – be it a feeling or a thought, without trying to get rid of it."It seems clear. However the next paragraph its confusing.It says "Awareness initially can feel like active watching, because it’s like you are watching a thought or a feeling almost as an effort".He also says "While your awareness becomes stronger, you become more keenly aware of your inner negativity, the things that were suppressed in you as well as the negative momentum in your mind. It can feel a bit overwhelming to become aware of so much negativity. This is the time when you start “letting go”, and allowing,instead of trying to be aware.Now its confusing.allowing was the first step in "Dont protect your being".now this is confusing.I want to allow but this watching thoughts and developing awareness before allowing the resistance is stressful. I am not afraid of facing anything my mind throws but stuck at start to face as SEN didn't allowed it. Now following questions are there. 1.I need to gain some awareness first by following some practices as sen said?I want to let brain resistance and allow it produce.But I should not be doing it?Is there any rules? 2.Even If I am allowing all,it may be like watching thoughts at first or I need to first watch and grow in awareness? 3.Even If I want to watch ,I first need to let the negativity and my mind without resisting it,But then sen said to allow after watching thoughts.Not clear at some part of mind.feels circular. 4.Point is I want to just let go of brain resistance and let it flow on its own.Now I am holding brain over this confusion .Is there any rules for this?What terms is sen using for what I am craving for. 5.Also if I am also following some techniques like meditation,waiting for next thought,watching my thoughts,allowing my mind etc.,Can't I do all these at different times of day depending and may also allow my mind to be aware at some other moment effortlessly.Is there any rules?Stuck at the linearity. So I need to first allow and watch?I need to first watch and then only I can allow my brains resistance to go?I need to allow and it may seem like watching or it maynot seem like watching?My brain is not simply letting resistance go due to this stuck.I am stuck at this for days.I am getting only one simple thing to just allow everything and let brain operate and allow it for whatever.But couldn't clear my brain after reading and specially since there is no way to ask question to sen now.So what should I be doing?Actually I am sick of stuck.whole point of asking is I want to let my mind think and allow my mind which seems not allowed by sen before following some steps .I even think we can anyway decide later,what need to be done. I know that I just need to let go of the resistance and allow my mind and its also part of awareness but confusion if its not allowed as sen mentioned some practices to be followed.This is stuck.